Jay Shetty coaches couples in new ‘Messy Love’ podcast. I had a front-row seat.
- - Jay Shetty coaches couples in new ‘Messy Love’ podcast. I had a front-row seat.
Charles Trepany, USA TODAYJanuary 22, 2026 at 7:27 AM
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LOS ANGELES − What's most important to you in a relationship?
The topic hangs in the air as Amanda and Rian − a couple going through a fraught time − circle it together. After several minutes, they arrive at what seems like the heart of the issue. For Amanda, it's responsibility. For Rian, autonomy. A hush seems to come over them. As it does, a woman beside me leans in, appearing to adjust a setting on the computer in front of her.
I'm not spying on a therapy session, though it certainly feels that way. I'm actually sitting in a podcast studio, watching Amanda and Rian on a screen. One room over, they're recording an episode of "Messy Love: Difficult Conversations for Deeper Connection," a new Audible series with Jay Shetty that sees the self-proclaimed-monk-turned-internet-mogul coach three separate couples through their relationship woes.
This particular taping ends with Amanda and Rian both realizing they need to find compromise with their clashing needs. After they go, I step into the studio to talk to Shetty, who munches on a protein snack.
Jay Shetty
His main takeaway from the whole experience? Love is hard work − and we've adopted all sorts of mistaken beliefs about it, thanks to music, film and television. He hopes his podcast, premiering Jan. 22, can undo some of that.
"I'm fascinated by love. I love love. I'm a big lover of love," Shetty says. "Today we're only used to seeing people fall in love on islands or locked away in rooms that are not real life. In these sessions, these couples are coming from their real lives. They have jobs. They have work. They have families. One of our couples has a child. There's real stakes."
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By and large, love is a universal experience. Most people want it. Many don't know how to get it. Fewer seem to know how to nurture it.
Though all relationships are different, more often than not, they're plagued by the same problems and patterns, Shetty says.
"We always feel like our situation is unique and we're alone," he says. "There's a messiness to everyone's relationship. There's a complexity to everyone's relationship. There's a background to everyone's relationship. There's trauma. There's insecurities. There's parenting. There's all of this world."
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By shining a light on real couples and their specific complications, Shetty hopes everyone listening can find something they relate to − and also learn ways to strengthen their own relationships.
As Shetty and I speak, notes from his session with Amanda and Rian remain scrawled on a white board beside him. The board reads "Boundary Setting," followed by the acronym "C.A.R.E." (clarify, articulate, reinforce, evaluate).
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Another tool Shetty hopes listeners pick up is understanding your "fight style." He explains it as similar to a love language, but instead of describing how you express love, it describes how you handle conflict.
When Shetty coaches a couple, he says, he isn't interested in taking sides. Instead, he aims to get the people in these relationships to see their partner more fully and completely. It's in that connection, he says, where real healing happens.
"This series is not about making one person do all the work," he says. "This series is about what work do they need to do individually and then what are they doing collectively?"
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Shetty is not a licensed therapist. Nor is he a psychologist. Still, his life coaching has struck a deep chord online. He has over 5.2 million subscribers on YouTube, and he's interviewed figures like Oprah Winfrey, Michelle Obama and Kim Kardashian on his podcast "On Purpose." He even officiated the wedding of Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck in 2022. His 2023 book "8 Rules of Love," which he says partly inspired the "Messy Love" podcast, landed on multiple bestseller lists.
In the studio, Shetty, who's been married since 2019, emphasizes that he doesn't have all of the answers. But he does believe certain that people's overly romantic notions have hampered their ability to find a lasting connection. By dispelling people of some of these ideas, he hopes to get them to see love more clearly.
"The number one reaction after a date is, 'I didn't feel the spark,' " he says. "But it's like, who told us we should? Why is it that we should feel one? Where did we learn that? Where did we adopt that belief?"
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Before I go, I venture a question that could stump any guru, internet-famous or not: What is the secret to love? He takes a long, deliberate pause to contemplate. After what feels like an eternity, he speaks.
"I believe the secret to love is to respect someone's values, which means you don't have to agree with them," he says. "That doesn't mean that you allow for bad behavior or tolerate it or accept that person. But that's what love really requires. Love requires us to deeply understand why someone became the way they are."
One podcast may not fix modern dating. But, by hearing these couple's stories, he says, hopefully those who tune in will feel ready to listen more deeply to their own partners. After all, as Shetty puts it: "If we haven't really studied someone's journey and story, there is no opportunity for love."
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Jay Shetty has a new podcast ‘Messy Love.’ I watched a tense taping.
Source: “AOL Entertainment”
